Those Words given by A Father Which Saved Us when I became a Brand-New Dad

"I think I was merely in survival mode for the first year."

Former Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the challenges of fatherhood.

Yet the actual experience rapidly turned out to be "very different" to his expectations.

Severe health complications surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was pushed into becoming her chief support while also taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, each diaper… every walk. The duty of mother and father," Ryan shared.

Following nearly a year he burnt out. That was when a conversation with his father, on a park bench, that helped him see he needed help.

The simple statement "You're not in a good spot. You must get assistance. How can I assist you?" opened the door for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and start recovering.

His experience is commonplace, but rarely discussed. Although people is now more comfortable talking about the pressure on mums and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the difficulties fathers go through.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan believes his difficulties are linked to a broader inability to open up amongst men, who continue to internalise damaging notions of manhood.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just gets hit and stays upright every time."

"It is not a sign of being weak to request help. I didn't do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to admit they're struggling.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - especially ahead of a mother and child - but she emphasises their mental state is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the space to take a break - spending a couple of days abroad, outside of the home environment, to see things clearly.

He came to see he had to make a shift to consider his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the practical tasks of taking care of a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd overlooked "what she longed for" -holding her hand and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now composing Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son better understand the language of emotional life and interpret his parenting choices.

The concept of "parenting yourself" is something artist Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen was without stable male guidance. Despite having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, long-standing trauma meant his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says suppressing feelings resulted in him make "terrible decisions" when he was younger to change how he felt, finding solace in substance use as a way out from the hurt.

"You turn to behaviours that aren't helpful," he notes. "They may short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will ultimately exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Managing as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - if you feel swamped, confide in a trusted person, your partner or a counsellor how you're feeling. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the pursuits that helped you to feel like yourself before the baby arrived. It could be playing sport, socialising or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical health - a good diet, getting some exercise and if you can, sleep, all are important in how your emotional health is faring.
• Connect with other new dads - hearing about their journeys, the challenges, and also the good ones, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Know that requesting help is not failure - prioritising your own well-being is the most effective way you can look after your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the death, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead give the safety and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the frustrations constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they acknowledged their struggles, altered how they communicate, and learned to control themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… processing things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I said, sometimes I think my role is to guide and direct you on life, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning an equal amount as you are in this journey."